A Willing Way
Some days I wake up and wonder what, exactly, I’m willing to take on beyond what I know I need to do. I wonder, am I willing to be me, truly me, the authentic me? And, if I am, how will that play out?
I don’t know if it scares you like it scares me, but the idea of willingly showing people who I am beneath the surface, beneath the cursory Facebook posts or the exchange of minor pleasantries, gives me more than great pause. It gives me a trembling.
Am I willing to be me?
Am I willing to write truth?
Am I willing to accept rejection as much as acceptance?
Am I willing to allow creativity to move in and through me? To create as God designed me to do? Am I willing to let people see the depths of who I am when I am not smiling or calm or standing peacefully beside them; to see me through my words and the stories I create?
I have never been one who is comfortable with small talk and idle conversation. I have always been a one-on-one, dive down deep into truth kind of person. In fact, it’s how I got to know my husband. We sat at what we’ve since deemed the table of truth and discussed our lives with a raw vulnerability that showcased some of our deepest hurts and hardest realities.
And I wouldn’t have had it any other way.
So why am I not willing to live out that same approach in life here in my midlife? I told my husband this morning, I have become comfortable with performing for an audience of the world versus the audience of One.
But if I embark on this adventure in creativity, do I not owe myself some sense of deeper truth? Am I willing to accept as I move forward hoping to uncover my creative path, the one I believe God designed for me to follow and live out, I may face struggle or rejection or doubt or fear?
I need to be.
If I want to encourage and empower my girls to be who they are designed to be and to discover their passions and their purpose in this life, don’t I need to live out that example for them to see? Don’t I need to boldly and courageously be me no matter what?
Indeed, I do.
I owe that to them and to myself. They need to see what truth looks like in this world and I need to be willing to model that in whatever way I’m meant to, without doubt and without hesitation.
I want them to know how much they matter to me and to this world. I want them to know their gifts are important and will make a difference if they are willing to embrace them no matter what, without doubt and without hesitation.
Living a creative life, as I believe we are each called to do in whatever way we are designed to do so, requires our commitment — to ourselves, to each other, to the world, and to the One who calls us to create and share our gifts in ways that connect people and create relationships.
If we are willing to do that, I believe we have made a difference in ways we won’t completely see or understand. But the ripples of those choices? Their impact will truly matter.
(a post on the word willing written to an 11-minute playlist)
