For Worse Invites For Better
I think I first did a Love in Marriage writing project about 12 years ago. I remember wanting to start a daily writing habit through a blog, but I wasn’t certain what that would look like or involve. What I do remember is saying to David on either December 30 or 31 of that year that I needed a blog site ready to go January 1. He didn’t get a lot of lead time, but then neither did I. But I at least had a plan to start on January 1 and write a post every day through December 31 about the reasons I loved my husband.
There were a few days along the way I missed posting, but I turned the next post into two reasons and kept going. From this point in my life, I also remember the process being a little easier; finding a reason to write about each day didn’t feel like a challenge. This time around, there are some challenges. And I think I know the why behind those feelings — we’ve undergone some serious sh*t since the last time I took on writing about what love in marriage looks like.
Several years ago our relationship was strained to its breaking point and in some ways we are still resetting some things affected by that experience, still addressing some of the places that were weakened by that strain, and still clinging to the idea of thriving in our relationship for the long haul. And sometimes, that isn’t merely a simple post about David making me my morning coffee and saying all is well.
Sometimes it’s about facing the person in the mirror and asking her if she’s willing to choose love again today even if she doesn’t feel like it. It’s about reminding her that love isn’t what we see in a Hallmark Christmas movie or based only on the good feelings. In fact, sometimes love is in the midst of the real, raw feelings of frustration or disappointment or deep hurt that you cover with the appearance of anger. Sometimes love is in the midst of chaos and messiness. But always love is a choice.
If you’re married, you probably understand what it means to say marriage is not for the faint of heart. Is it all uphill and obstacles? Of course not. But there will be seasons that ask more than you might feel willing to give. Those are the moments when you need to face the person in your mirror and ask her if she’s…